Workplace Bullying 3: Our Bully Story; The Victim, a tale and a course.
Bullying: Victims tell it all!
Workplace Bullying 2 : Causes and Negative Impact of Bullying at Work
Have
you ever been a victim of a bully or come across someone who was one? You must
have noticed that such tales are usually narrated in the past and yet one would
feel every bit of it as though it was as sour as a fresh wound? It has been a
long and interesting series but do you know what? This cannot end without us
having some victims come on stage to share their stories. Also, we look at reasons
why people don’t want to be identified as victims and also how to mitigate
future occurrences where it comes to cases of bullying.
Mercy
O
Across
the Counter
A young
lady in the banking industry shares an unforgettable experience while on the
job.
The
head of our outsourcing firm called me one day and requested a password reset. Usually,
one is meant to go through some requirements before this is executed. We went
through that and at a point, she couldn’t provide some information that was required.
Instead, she said that she couldn’t go any further and if I can’t do as she
says, I should patch the call to a supervisor. I gave no response and she cut
the call.
Read: Workplace Bullying Series 1: How to Identify Workplace Bullying
Later
on, the supervisor confronted me that the woman in question accused me of lying
against her and also refusing to attend to a request not minding my side of the
tale. Apparently, within a twinkle of an eye, everything turned ugly and blew
out of proportion that it became an escalation that the same woman threatened
to relieve me of my duties and summoned me to her office. Further findings
revealed that it was a culture of hers to bully members of staff into swallowing
her lies or own up to an offence they never committed.
On
the above, I was advised by one of the
heads that I had to plead to keep my job even though I knew she was at fault.
When I got to her office, I was made to kneel and beg to be forgiven for an
offence I never committed. Honestly, I felt so dehumanized but I had no option
because my job was at stake and I had no other means of livelihood.
This
event affected my work to some extent because my response rate decreased and I
lost focus. Luckily for me, after I reported, some of the managers held a
meeting and summoned her after a proper investigation which proved that I was innocent
of the accusation. They complained that
the way I was treated was debasing and against work ethics or even my fundamental
human rights. Later on, she was made to call and apologise but the deed was
already done and I had to live with it.
Read: Creating a Balance between Fatherhood and work in Lock-down
Urch
Man
War
Room
A
young man with the Oil and Gas Sector Shares an experience he entitles ‘War
Room’.
I am
a marketing coordinator with one of the top oil and gas companies in the
country and we operated with zero tolerance for slackers but at the same time, practised work-life balance until the head of the department was
changed. All of a sudden, our competencies were questioned, we got escalations
and at a point, it turned into a war zone, and people started exiting the
department in droves.
You may also like: Secret Tips on How to Plan a Hangout on a Tight Budget
Unfortunately,
with time, it didn’t get any better because as people resigned, new hands were
not recruited and it was a case of portfolio padding. Since we were
understaffed, revenue dropped quickly and the pressure to deliver wore a mean
face. It became so bad that at general meetings, the new head would scream at
managers at the top of his voice in front of recruits. We were forced to work
way into the nights to meet up with demands and also relinquished our leaves
and holidays. It got so bad that one would be sleeping in the middle of the
night and would receive threat calls or even be dragged into a meeting. I lost
my self-esteem, my wife threatened to leave me, my health deteriorated so
quickly and I knew I was fast losing my mind.
What
did I do?
I
stayed back and pushed back after making a case with the HR of the company who
had the least idea of these events because no one had come forward to report
such a case.
Lucy
M.
Handing
Over
A
lady in the tech industry shares her not-so-nice onboarding experience.
I
have never considered my experience a form of bullying and neither have I seen
myself as a victim up until I read some of your articles, had a discussion and thought
over it. Well, I got a new job and was meant to take over a position in which I
have had so many years of experience. There was an agreement of onboarding between myself, the company and an exiting employee.
Interesting Read: 10 Healthy Habits for 2021
After
the first day, her countenance changed all of a sudden: it all started with
postponing meetings, to having me chase her for information I needed on the job
due to her unavailability and at a point, she became rude because I required
certain clarifications; I had a whole lot to deal with and had no information
to work with. Honestly, I felt frustrated on the job and wanted to leave the
next minute because the hostility was glaring and it was also clear that she
didn’t or wasn’t ready to hand over just yet or didn’t see me as having the right
capability of taking up such a sensitive role.
To
be fair, although I had so many years of experience and knew what was expected
of me, her attitude nearly drove me into questioning abilities but I
fought that mindset by all means. All these affected not just my output but my
perception of the company in question.
What
I did?
I
had to go the extra mile to collate the necessary information I needed from
other members of staff and left her completely out of it. Also, so that her
attitude doesn’t get to me, I surrounded myself with friendly faces of other
employees who were ready and more eager or willing to work with me.
Read: Frank Thoughts: Don’t Just Work Hard Work Smart
Zinny
B
I got
a new Job
A
fresh graduate narrates her ordeal in the hands of her would-be colleagues.
I
was fresh out of school back then and recruited as a PA to the manager of a multinational
company and my primary role was to track top members of the board. Honestly,
the first reaction I got was unpleasant and right there, I
knew it was gonna be a tough fight. It was as though I had been brought to
challenge them and felt more like an insult than a job. For months, I met a
brick wall each time I approached them for an update; no one was eager to help
or even give out any information. I was typically put under extreme pressure: the
CEO was on my neck to deliver and I couldn’t escalate them because I didn’t
know what may come afterwards. Indirectly, they bullied me into a state of
silence, solitude, frustration and near depression. Think of it that you were
about to start a career at your dream company but you find yourself at a dead
end.
Read: Four Main Strategies to Being that World Best Boss or Employee
Luckily, I met a support system among all of them and I also learnt how to relate with each according to their levels, mindset, preference and attitude although this took longer than I wished. This experience pushed me to the edge of getting things done, putting in the extra work and persistence.
Michael
O
Tsunami
A
young man in an engineering firm shares a not so pleasant experience he describes
as a tsunami.
Everything
was formerly a bed of roses but all of a sudden, we were informed of an
impending change. This led to so many team members resigning, relocating or
even being demoted. All of a sudden, I found myself heading a department or
team per say where both I was the head and reported to myself: I did the work of a team all alone.
Sedentary Lifestyle: Effects and Solutions. Working from home in times of Covid-19 as a Case Study
The
first case of bullying came in the form of the workload. Imagine one person
delivering the work of ten people or more all alone. The bullying also came in form
of a threat and I was pressurized into doing all manners and staying up all
night just to deliver. My job and salary were threatened at all times and I
lost focus of my dreams that the only thing I could ever think of was how to sustain
myself and prevent being sacked. Formerly, I had enough time to study and engage
in extra work activities but this faded away right the minute the tsunami hit
us.
I
suffered burnout because the request came from all angles; it cost me so many things:
self-development, opportunities, and my health --physically and mentally. Everyone
wanted a piece of me and I couldn’t say no because my position was critical.
What
I did?
I
left. Yep, one day, I took ill and almost lost my life. The most interesting
part was throughout that time, no one from the office checked on me and it made
me realize the truth: life would move on without me. Instead, I decided to move
on. Today, I am happy.
Why
Victims of Bullying rather Stay Silent.
Shame:
Most people feel that being a victim of bullying is embarrassing and shameful because
a victim is often perceived as a weakling but this is entirely false.
Fear
of the unknown: Some victims are uncertain of the outcome if they report
because they are afraid of being bullied further or retaliation from friends
and family members of a bully.
Escalation:
This to most could be blown out of proportion. They are already hurt and would
rather live with it than have others cross-examine them. In turn, the silence
can only encourage more victims to be bullied while the bully gets away with
it.
Fear
of being believed: Usually, identifying as a victim is wrongly perceived as an
avenue of attracting other bullies to take their turn since identity is out in
the open already.
Self-esteem
threats: A victim usually is left to grapple with his already chattered self-esteem
from such a gruesome event and as a result, wouldn’t want to damage their mental
state or self any further.
Lockdown Mood in Times of Covid-19
Thinking
that it may not stop: In most societies, there is no clear cut solution to
bullying and as a result, victims would rather choose silence over speaking
out.
Knowledge:
It is usually quite difficult to know who to go to report or how to make a case
and the right person to trust in such a situation.
Fear
of being trolled physically or over the internet: today, trolls are out in the
open and on rampage physically and over the internet.
Silence
is never the best option to any issue although it is extremely difficult to
speak out or take a bold step towards finding a solution to such an event as
bullying although an attempt after another while being persistent could assist.
Now,
let us look at how to handle bullying or bullies.
Hot topic: Almost a Bride: 101 My True Survival Story Part 1
Handling
Bullying from an HR Perspective.
Knowledge
is Power: Go out of your way to research this topic and gain as much knowledge
as possible. Once this is done, you will notice a boost in self-confidence (for
victims whose self-esteem must have been battered) and also come to the
knowledge that all forms of bullying is wrong and must never be encouraged or
accepted.
Mindset
and Attitude: Once knowledge is gained, every atom of fear to face your
oppressor is completely out of the way. This is simply because your mind and
your emotions have realized one truth: bullying is wrong and must never be
accepted. Typically, your attitude towards bullies become firmer.
Set
Boundaries and Limits: At this point, you have the required knowledge, mindset
and attitude to know right from wrong and on this ground, you choose what you
accept and can’t accept.
Confront/Hands
Akimbo: At the very instance your bully comes back, you are to stand your
ground, look him in the eye and demand that they stop. Trust the specialists,
most bullies are cowards and may never stop if there is no push back.
Document:
A victim can take this further if a bully resists and still keeps on coming
back. The best thing to do is to document every instance as much as possible
thereby gathering facts to make a case.
Educative: 101 Guide to Success: My Success Story in times of Covid-19
Report: The last recommended step is to take up this matter with the HR department of the company you work for to handle it as appropriately as possible or report to the appropriate authorities out of the organization –simply take your case to the law.
Hey!
By now (after going through the three series), you must have realized that even
if you have been bullied or had a slight brush with a bully, it was never
because you couldn’t do your job but as a result of control, power, attitude,
mental state, experience, and probably the background of the bully. Also, you
have been able to get some insight on how to handle this to a reasonable
extent. Nonetheless, it is now clear why most victims are scared of being identified
as having been through such an experience. In all, let’s stay alert not just
only in our workplace, but institutions, society, public places or even at home
to put our best foot forward each moment we are accosted by a bully.
Sweet n' Sour : Lemonade: Working and Loving it! Part 1
Hope you enjoyed every little bit of this piece? Do share a comment or an experience.
Written by Boldpetalzblog
with Management contribution from Iveren Ityoikaa (FIMC, IMC)
Management Consultant (Guest SME)
Comments
Post a Comment