Almost a Bride: A New Beginning.... Part 3

Her Healing Process...

How do you feel about love?

Love is a beautiful thing like many say but then when a beautiful love suddenly goes sour I don't know what to call it. Being in love can be the most beautiful, important, and dedicated thing you see yourself doing especially for people like us who love our whole heart, mind, body & soul. I loved these two men greatly. Unfortunately, I found myself using the word love for two men on different occasions, something I dreaded! Well, life happens I guess!

Desmond was my first love, yes but then he wasn't the one! Bobby came thereafter and also melted my heart but still wasn't the one! Their walk-out of my life in a space of 6months was the most devastating part of my life. It was more than a huge blow in the groin. I was angrier at Bobby because I thought he knew me better, I thought he understood me better, I thought he loved me more, I thought he knew how delicate I was after Desmond’s misbehavior and obvious breakup, I thought he knew that all I needed at that time was extra love, care, and happiness to heal from the sad experience I had with Desmond. I thought he was the Angel sent to console me. Well, so many thoughts but then I thought wrong!

Bobby left a more painful heart because he seemed to only have come to stab me at the exact spot Desmond had left a wound, and this time made sure he drove the knife deep enough to pierce through my whole heart, body, and soul like a sword passing through my body. It was gruesome!

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After the sudden call off of the introduction and other bridal rites, Bobby and his family had planned to do at my place, it took days for me to accept that this is happening to me; Lillian, the church babe, the humble girl, a lover of God who has kept herself from any form of promiscuity. Hmmmmmm! Such is the life I guess! I cried I wept, I hated, I grieved, and I lost every sense of taste, feeling, and meaning to life. I knew the stigma attached to such occurrences in my life and what people will tell subsequent suitors that will eventually make their way to my life again. At some point, I thought of suicide but do I have the heart to do such, and with what? Headaches became the order of the day because I cried till my head ached so much. I only look OK when my mum comes back from work but then my countenance and words gave me away as a grieving soul searching for peace.

 

How did you Heal?

After some weeks at home doing nothing but crying and almost going into depression, my mum suggested I apply for a Master's program to occupy my mind. I liked the idea because I needed to leave home and also get busy to forget about the whole episode. On getting an admission, that was when my healing process started.

It felt good leaving home again to be on my own and also to get busy. My Master's program was a good escape plan and it did awesome wonders in my life. I buried myself in my books and tried to make sure I enjoy every part of my journey in the course of learning. However more important is the fact that I met Angels as friends who were so instrumental to my entire healing process; the best of them all being Judith.

Judith was my colleague in the same department and also my hostel mate at the PG hostel. She knew me better and was readily available to render help no matter what. Meeting her made my stay in the hostel fun. We read together, prayed together, exercised together, walked together, ate together, and practically lived our lives together. She was such a sweet Angel. Her words are always full of wisdom; she has something good to say at any given point in time. She knew my lowest point and highest point. She knew how to make me come out of my habitual mood swings, a bad habit that grew worse after my experience with these men. She never let me have my way in such moods and always found a way to get me out of my room anytime I remain locked in for days. She helped me fight the anger and bitterness I had for these men which were negatively controlling my life. She did so much and more. I remember my healing process and I must say she did 80% of the work and got me smiling again. She taught me that we ladies don't need the male folk to live a happy life as our happiness lies within us and is left for us to make it happen.

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I remember us having so many hangouts to read, eat, and drink, to picnics and to restaurants just to treat ourselves to some beautiful moments that still cling to my memory till date. Believe you me, all these, in particular, did the magic for me and before I knew it, I was back to my happy old self again. I gradually forgot everything that happened and even smile when I remember them at times. I enjoyed my Singlehood like Judith will always tell me then: the freedom, the happiness, the peace, and bliss are second to none. It's incomparable and simply mind-blowing.

 

When did he Come?

I was still rounding up my Master's program 3years later when my Prince Charming, the real man came. And I tell you what, the difference was clear.

Before meeting my hubby I was already working in a firm where I was happy joggling my studies with. It was barely my first year at work when the rainy season began, and my place of work had this terrible road that led to the main bus stop. After work at four, on getting to the road, I met a heavy downpour, and before I knew it, I wasn’t only drenched but the road was flooded. There was absolutely no means to go back to the office or any way to get the bus stop. I didn’t see it coming till someone tapped me on the back from nowhere. He had actually been waving at me from down the road to join him but I didn’t see. This fella risked the flood, and when he got to me, he was already drenched to the knees. He held my hand and took me to safety, and every other thing was history. Now ask me what makes my hubby the real man?

When we got talking, I discovered that he is principled, disciplined, and a man of his words. He's not a Momma's boy like the other men, he makes his decisions and stands on them no matter what, he doesn't allow anyone to interfere in his life and decisions. He is a Real Man, a hustler who is ready to do anything good to make his family comfortable. He's a lover, a God-fearing man with a working conscience. He's humble and down to earth even with his stature, he's all in one. We courted for 6 months and decided to take the plunge.

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Today we are blessed with a beautiful home and a 3yr old son lightening up our lives in all. My mother-in-law is the best, as she treats me like her own daughter. We laugh and gist like one blood and she's overly ready to fight anyone for my case. My Sis in- law, brothers in law and father in law are not left out. I'm just in a second loving home where I'm treated with so much love and respect. What more can I say if not to thank God for keeping the best for me and making everything to eventually end in praise!

 

Any last words before we let you go?

My advice to younger women today is always to listen to their hearts. Your heart will never lie to you. The family also is everything! Some mothers can be bad and want a particular suitor for their own selfish gains but if you come from a good home and have a good mother please always listen to her and follow her assessment with prayers for God to help you! If not for my mum's constant warnings on Desmond, I might have ended up with him and be in regret today.

Also, there's no rush in life. So many women today are only particular about their age and so fall into the wrong relationships. Some already planned when they will even be done with childbearing, therefore giving themselves unnecessary pressure. Please let God direct your path. Marriage entails much more than marrying at a young age and giving birth to children in quick succession at a stipulated age.

Please enjoy your youth! Yes! Enjoy your Singlehood! You may not get the chance to live a more free life in marriage. It has its ups and downs. It comes with a lot of responsibilities and so you find yourself having little or no time for yourself especially when the kids start coming. Your husband now has a say in your life to some extent, likewise you in his. So find time to enjoy every bit of your singlehood and have good memories to hold on to. The men mostly come when you least expect them, so put your mind in treating yourself like a queen you are, instead of worrying and being desperate to get hooked.

Please keep yourself intact! It pays! Imagine if I had slept with Desmond, then met Bobby and slept with him too? That would make me promiscuous. Some still lose the man even after giving themselves to them as they come in turns. So what's the gain? In all my sadness with the experience I had with these men, I still held my head high up and patted myself at the back for keeping myself intact.

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Please do not settle for less! You need a man who can stand up for you at any given point in time. A man who would make decisions without involving his whole family and making them choose first before you. A man who respects you!

Last but not the least, God over everything! Prayer goes a long way in helping us from making fatal mistakes. Talk to God in prayer and let him direct you. He knows what's best for you.

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Photo: @udemezueoluoma