Almost a Bride: 101 My True Survival Story Part 2.

Almost a Bride: My True Survival Story...

We really appreciate your time so far with us. This wouldn't have been possible without your openness. So, how did Bobby find himself in the picture? I vividly recall that you mentioned him in the first part?

That was immediately after school, I was posted to Nasarawa for my NYSC. Fortunately, I got a rewarding offer with Access bank. Anyway, a cousin of mine introduced us. At first, I didn’t like the idea, but I felt it wouldn’t hurt anybody if we became friends. Interestingly, he was such a good talker, sweet-tongued, and disciplined. Obviously, the guy was more romantic than Desmond; I think that was the beginning of all my troubles because I was already getting distracted.

So, was there stuff that didn’t match your criteria with this very new guy?

Absolutely, what he lacked in physic, he made up in character. Apparently, two main things were a turn off: he was a chain smoker, and a heavy drinker: I knew the implication. Truth be told, he melted my heart with his kind gestures. Most times, we dismissed from work very late, and I lived in the outskirt of Nasarawa; this angel got a driver who dropped me off at home each night I worked late. At times, he even sent food my way, even though he lived in another city. Deep down, I felt like a little princess in wonderland.

How was the communication between you two?

Back then, we really flowed more than Desmond and I. He was more open-minded, and we looked forward to our discussions each day; we talked over any issue without argument. It was as though we had known each other for years. In as much as he was all over me, I still loved Desmond. 

Where was Desmond all these while?

At the point we met, I made it clear that I had a boyfriend and all that, but he wanted more out of our friendship. At a point, Desmond became suspicious because my phone was always busy when he called. I didn’t think twice but opened up about Bobby and what he wanted from me; I was as transparent as glass. 

Why did you agree to date Desmond in the first instance?

Honestly, I really loved Desmond and wanted to marry him despite his shortcomings because I was skeptical about us (Bobby and I) due to the class thing. Not only that, but he also wasn’t vague, and I felt I won’t be threatened by any form of drama. I strongly believed he should know better in terms of patience and understanding. Also, there was absolutely no reason to leave Desmond: I wasn’t the materialistic type, and I trusted that the future would be better with time not until the unfolding of events.  

Did you ever say no at some point to Bobby even though the well seemed to deepen?

Clearly, I had to block him at some point when he wanted to suffocate my space: I wanted to set boundaries which he always tore through.

After the separation, what then happened?

Then, I noticed that Desmond was not so much into our relationship as I thought? Practically, I became the chaser instead of the chased. Desmond was the stingy type, and he gave excuses at the slightest opportunity, not like Bobby who lived very far but tried as much as possible to make himself part of me. Without a doubt, that guy wooed me to the core because he knew how to treat a woman. Although he was always busy but knew what to do at any point: a case of persistence and consistency. This was not the case with Desmond who was always gloomy, dull, and unmotivated. Unlike Bobby who was selflessly jolly no matter what, Desmond at the end of the day would make me depressed with his boring discussions. In fact, I kept inviting Desmond over but he would keep on giving me excuses. At that point, my mind started speaking and making comparisons; those conflicting kinds of thoughts you know.

So, who pushed for the marriage to take place?

At a point, Desmond suspected that he was fast losing me. Out of desperation, he took me to see his family. Things suddenly got serious and we started planning a wedding. Funny, Desmond tried to be economical with money, from the introduction to the wedding ceremony that even the venue almost became a problem. My parents were not impressed with this at all. The worst part came when my dad out of his benevolence secured the wedding venue with a token, but instead of getting an appreciation, he got a verbal bashing from Desmond. 

What part did your parents play in all these? 

Unrelenting was the right word; they tried as much as possible to be supportive without enforcing any of their decision on me. My dad advised that I pay a visit to his hometown to see if actually, my spirit accepted him. That visit was really an eye-opener because immediately we stepped foot into their compound, it was obvious that it was a deserted terrain, and my eyes caught sight of a shrine that sat very close to their doorstep. These two facts brought nothing but doubt deep within me. Plus, an old aunt of mine made me visit one of her prayer partners, and in the event, I got a confirmation that obviously changed the course of events.

Not to forget that was a time Desmond came to Lagos for a meeting and made absolutely no attempt to visit. My mum was highly disappointed with his theatrics. One night, my parents woke me up and asked if I was sure this was what I wanted for myself because it was getting ugly. They advised us to take a break for a situation assessment. I totally agreed as though I needed help with my dirty laundry. Note that at that point, everything was set, and news of my impending marriage was already out in the open. It was one of the hardest decisions of a lifetime. Eventually, my dad called him that night and broke the news. He cut the call on my father after raining more insults on my family. The following day, his family members called but it was too late, the decision was final. 

Did Bobby disappear into thin air?

Not at all, Bobby always checked up on my progress. 

So, what happened next?

Bobby couldn’t believe his ears at the turn of events, but I didn’t want to jump into something immediately after a painful break up; I felt that I needed space to heal. Afterward, he came to visit and then introduced me formally to his family. His brother was skeptical about our relationship: he tried to insinuate that I fell in love with Desmond because of money. I also met his mum who was cordial.

Tell us about the journey with Bobby?

Actually, there was a time a friend of mine got married, and I had to travel all the way because of our relationship. Within that period, before breaking up with Desmond, I planned to give him a surprise visit. I called Desmond that day, and he simply turned me down, the reason being that he had so much work piled up on his desk, and he would be out of town too. I felt so downcast and stupid. In that anger, I changed my mind and planned to visit my cousin and Bobby instead. When I informed him of my impending visit, he was so excited that I felt it over the phone. At that point, he said he would clear all his schedules, and I felt nothing but loved, and wanted. The following day, I boarded a bus with nobody but Bobby in mind. 

How did he feel seeing you again after quite an ordeal?

The whole park knew that the woman he loved just arrived. He made such a display that I still recall everything as though it were yesterday. During the drive towards our destination, he wound down his glass, put his head out of the window, and shouted “I am happy o!” at the top of his voice. It was so unbelievable, but I felt so amazing. Truly, it was obvious he couldn’t control his excitement. That was one moment in my life that it was extremely impossible to doubt.

Now, the air is clear, and you obviously must have healed after a short while, what happened next?

After I completely broke up with Desmond, Bobby, and I started dating with no guilt. It was such a smooth ride that everyone around me accepted him but I couldn’t say the same for his family where I was concerned. We always shared ideas and dreams for our lives together. One thing about him was that he listened to my opinion, and I think this was where the conflict began because his mum started acting funny. This shows that she felt insecure about the fact that her son met someone who he truly listened to. Additionally, my dad challenged one of our kinsmen who was related to his mother by marriage but we paid that incident little or no attention.

He seemed quite in a hurry to tie the knot. Did anyone kick against this?

Not really, his mum agreed to us with some seeming reservation. I was afraid that he was too in a haste. Before I knew it, he landed in Lagos, and it impressed my mum because my ex paid little attention to such details. That day, he proposed right in his hotel room. Even though I wanted us to court more, but I felt I already knew enough not to say no. 

How was the relationship between you and his family after the proposal? Did anything change?

Not much changed but I still didn’t know why I felt everything was happening so fast. Later on, his mum called me and congratulated me along with other family members. After some months, she called again and complained that I didn’t bond because it is one important aspect of their family. I started calling them as she requested. One day, I called his mum and sister, at first they didn’t answer, and when they did, they sounded so cold. It also seemed that his mum started avoiding my calls at some point that it got me worried. 

Where did something go wrong? What troubled the waters?

Bobby and I continued talking, and in February, he seemed to be in the best of spirits as we started deliberations on planning our wedding. We agreed on February 28th. We were supposed to travel to the village ahead of time. One night, he called and made it clear that I had absolutely nothing to worry about.

The following day, he called me and sounded so worried, they were already in the village and had gone to meet the elders; he complained that his kinsmen were furious because his family failed to follow due protocols in taking a wife. It was the last time I heard from him to date. That was a day to us traveling down-home. Since then, I called him, but he never answered. I had to relate the issue to my parents. We went to lodge at a hotel which was closer to the bus park. My dad had to use a business line to call and he later picked because he didn’t know the number. He told my dad plainly that the occasion had to be postponed due to the situation on the ground.

After the incident, we made plans to go back home. At the hotel, I felt like destroying everything within my reach. I couldn’t believe it because I never saw it coming again for the second time. When we got home, I cried so much that nobody could console me...

We hope you enjoyed this long read.....Do drop a comment as you wait for the final part.

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